Friday, May 23, 2008

if you were here, would you calm me down?

These days (that is to say, summer), I try to do practical things. I go to the gym in the morning before work, I read classic novels, and I go to Mozart's at night to work on my writing. It's productive. Between work and the gym alone, I feel grown-up and accomplished.

Then, I talk to Gavin at night.
I miss him, as would be expected.

I'm trying to remember if it was this difficult when I was away from Austin back during my freshman year at Hendrix. I think I was probably busier, so it was probably not as hard to avoid just lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling wistfully. Also, having a roommate made it more difficult to cry at songs and from bad dreams.

Still. I'm 20 years old. I am most definitely an adult. It's seriously time that I started doing adult things--maintaining a long-distance relationship of substance without unnecessary drama is one of them. I can be an adult about this. It is less than 2 months before I go to Chicago to visit for a week. Of course, then we'll be apart for, oh, 6 months.

I'm trying not to think about England, which is difficult because everyone I talk to is super-excited about it for me. I don't want to think about the money or the absurd separation from Gavin, although I have a feeling that it will be much easier to be in London and be away from Gavin than it is to be here. I'll be busier and I will have so much more to say to him in letters and so much to send in packages. Right now, here in Austin, everything just seems so stale. I have uninteresting days for the most part. As long as they go by quickly, however, I really don't care what they are like. Just get me to Chicago and then get me to London.

Get me to Chicago.

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