welcome to the jaws of hell

Lalalalalala.

I am sick of myself.

I hate the way I deal with things.

Perhaps the worst part of this is that I recognize the problem but cease to fix it.

this phone tag game is endless, the novelty's wearing

Okay. Love life is back in swing.

It is raining.

Also, at 1:15 Laura and I are driving with two boys to Dallas to see The Decemberists. Just so everyone knows, that is at least a 6-hour drive. After the concert ends, we are driving back!

I will probably be going to bed around the time LBJ kids are getting up to go to school.

But it's THE DECEMBERISTS. My favorite!

Yay!

love's the funeral of hearts

Just when college-related areas were starting to look up, my love life starts falling apart.

I haven't eaten alone for a few days.
I've been doing better in volleyball.
I got 90 on my Journeys essay.
I got an A on my Greek test.

And I am miserable.

my salvation lies in your love

I don't know what to be for Halloween. It seems as though all the girls are going to be skanky, and the guys will just be guys.

Where does that leave me?

and the sky is a hazy shade of winter

It is 49 degrees outside! Also it is drizzling and grey. How beautiful and amazing. I wore my winter coat and a scarf. Laura makes fun of me because I am taking pictures of the cold, but I don't care. It's weather like this that makes me happy.

Bands for This Weather:
-The Juliana Theory
-Moby
-Jem
-Tegan and Sara

I had two volleyball games last night (while thunderstorms could be heard outside the Maybee Center). We won one and lost one, but I'm just glad my serves are improving, and I did an amazing block. Also I wore softball pads with black tye-died softball socks and green alligator boxers, so I looked ridiculous. That was half the fun.

Actually, it mostly wasn't fun because my team was purposely trying to not give the ball to me. I know they don't appreciate me much. Oh well.

We are reading the play Agamemnon by Aeschulus in Classical Mythology. It is about when Agamemnon comes home to Mycenae and Clytemnestra stabs him while he is in the bathtub. He deserved it.

Send me mail.

so let's find a bar so dark we forget who we are

Some important things:

1. It is grey, rainy, and chilly.
2. I am a "free agent" intramural volleyball player without kneepads.
3. Fall break is over.

What I want to do is compose a short story, but instead I will just go and think about my Journeys essay of doom that is due on Wednesday. I have a volleyball game tonight that I have to report to at 7:45 in a white shirt. I am nervous.

it was the perfect crime

Laura had a dream that I told her Kim and I had fought again, and that I had stabbed her in the throat with a syringe (which I just spelled wrong).

I suppose that is a tad bit extreme, but seriously (seriously). There is now a new boy who frequents our room almost more than I do. Except now that I have resigned to becoming a recluse, I spend a lot more time in the room than I did when Joe was dating her. So now it is definitely a lot less okay.

Example: I was on the phone on Sunday night and they come in at about 11:45 and climb into her bed where they proceed to whisper to each other and kiss randomly until finally 1:30 or so when he leaves.

Yesterday I came into the room and he was lying on the bed alone, and she was not here. 'Cause that is not weird. Nope.

And today I come in from lunch, and there are a pair of boy shoes strewn over my rug.

MY RUG. That is my territory, my possession, MINE. Unacceptable.

Thank God I leave tomorrow because I do not think that I could deal with this for a week. Oh no. Although I guess it doesn't help that I am tired and stressed and have a lot to do today. And here I am ranting on my blog.

-goes to find syringe-

let the poet cry himself to sleep

Ugh. My roomate is listening to her headphones but actually fucking humming to the music. As if I cannot hear her? I wish I couldn't.

I confess, I am in a bitter mood because today was pointless. I feel like I may as well not exist here. I went to one class and attended a very short presentation for extra credit in Greek, and I made flashcards for the new vocabulary. Woo?

I wrote Sagan and Fi letters.

No offense, but the rest of you shouldn't expect any mail soon because you all suck at writing me back. (Except Clara and Coco).

everything it seems i like's a little bit stronger a little bit thicker a little bit harmful for me

I actually don't think I have the energy to describe Saturday night in all its glory. To summarize: my roomate came in about 3am with two guys (one who is drunk as hell) and let them spend the night without asking me as I pretended to be asleep. Then two of them woke up at about 9am and talked loudly and laughed loudly and the third awoke and they all made fun of me for a little while and then left FINALLY around 11 and I got up, pissed because I had, what, 4 or 5 hours of sleep. Not to mention boys slept in my room, in my space, on my rug, without my permission. I was so mad. What an amazing weekend, except NOT. I hope she leaves. Seriously.

I met with our RA two days ago after she requested a meeting to hear "my side" of things, since she had randomly already heard Kim's, and now today we are meeting with her together in 15 minutes. WHOOPIE.

I am the bad guy. Somehow, I am the bad guy. I'm rarely the bad guy. I am fucking harmless! ...Right? This is so frustrating.

Today is Ben's birthday. I sent him a mix CD.

When I come home in a week, I am bringing half my wardrobe, because honestly I am having a difficult time shoving things into my drawers. I can't wait to get home and sleep and take a shower and eat tacos and see my dog.

what we need is just what we want

You guys who called me are amazing. I'm sorry I didn't call any of you back--I just wanted to be unsad enough to sound more objective and not cry at you.

I will explain the rest of my weekend whenever I have time. It was pretty ridiculous.