Saturday, June 30, 2007

heart on my sleeve, not where it should be

I am actually pathetic.

potionskeeper: I don't mean to be a bother, and I realize I'm probably really pushing it, but I don't really want to be myself anymore today and wondered if you'd do me the honor of some--any, it doesn't have to be sage and george it could be literally anyone-- pretending.

And why, really? When it comes down to it, why today do I want so badly to be someone else? Because I'm not who I want to be. I want to be naturally pretentious and health-oriented and thin and wealthy. I want to be able to say no to ice cream and to go to bed early and love silly indie films.

I fear I like french fries too much and that nothing ever meets my expectations. It's unfair that I have my body and my money supply, and if I wasn't pathetic five minutes ago at the beginning of this entry, aren't I now that Sam has yet to reply to my desperate plea for roleplaying?

I've got to get back to Hendrix where at least I'm too busy for this nonsense.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

you're right, there's probably no point to my life--thank you for bringing it up

Why is it that I have chosen this moment to update my blog? I don't even know. I'm watching About a Boy and wishing it would rain outside. Woo...

Bonnaroo was a disaster. Austin and I actually gave up and came home after one day. Go figure. I was an idiot to decide to go--I mean, I dislike camping and drug-filled environments. I was seriously just walking right into that one. Someone would usually stop me and remind me that I hate that sort of thing, but no one did. I regret it a lot. Not the leaving, but the going in the first place. Because now I have to imagine what would've happened if I'd stayed. Should've never gone at all.

I've got the job at Coldwater Creek, which I love. It's difficult to explain. I can't decide if the other workers there take me seriously or not, and I can't decide if I want them to. I like being treated like an equal to people who aren't my age. I get paid $8.25/hr. ...I guess that sums it up?

...I'm getting distracted by the movie.

I don't know how I feel about things. I want to go back to school, to take class. I think that's all I'm good at. Taking classes. I'm not even really that good at it. It's just that I need some intellectual stimulation.

I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I've finally gotten my booklists for my classes. I really wish I could teach. I really wish I could teach at Hogwarts. I wish I could GO to Hogwarts.