Saturday, July 07, 2007

where did you get that penchant for destruction in the way you talk

I've been thinking of a few things lately:

My parents have money. My father makes quite a bit and then gets a large bonus at the end of the year. FAFSA laughed at my application for financial aid, I am almost positive. Ben used to hold it against me that my father has money, and that I was not completely on my own to pay for things. Sure I was buying my own clothes, but when it came down to it my dad would still offer me money whenever I said I was going "out." Four years later I don't have to pay for my auto-insurance, my car's upkeep, or my gas. I don't have to pay for any of my college expenses, including but not limited to tuition, textbooks, laptop, or even dormitory furnishings. Sometimes I feel guilty about this. I shouldn't. I am not a spoiled rich girl. I don't get money whenever I ask for it, and I do have a job. I pay for my own clothes, food, and entertainment. That's still something.

I need to write more. I don't remember the last time I wrote a poem, and I haven't attempted to write anything other than fanfiction in months. This is a problem. I've been asked repeatedly by co-workers and customers alike what I plan to do for a living with my degree in English and I always tell them that I want to be a college professor eventually and also write. I think I'd like writing for a magazine, or something. Really I just want to set up a nice fluffy armchair in academia and hang out there sipping my tea and reading classic literature for the rest of my life. What are the odds of that happening? I think we all know that I want to work at a bookstore too much for it to actually ever occur.

In other news I have started reading Crime and Punishment but I don't think I like it. It's a bit stressful, and I cannot relate to any of the characters even the slightest, which makes it very difficult for me to care what happens to them in the course of the novel. I honestly wish I could just abandon reading it and move on to Mansfield Park but I told Joseph, amazing literary boy I desperately wish to be friends with, that I'd read it and so now I must.

Speaking of things I must do, I really must get the mail. My parents are out of town this weekend (right before I go with Austin to DisneyWorld) and I am left to take over the household chores--namely retreiving the mail and letting the dog outside every five hours if not less.

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