this isn't happening happening happening happening happening--it is

Well last night I exploded on my roomate. I started screaming at her while crying and cussing her out and she left the room and then I ran out crying while Laura and Lauren were still sitting in there. I walked around Conway after midnight weeping while on the phone with Austin. I was back in my room by 3am, and didn't see Kim until a couple of hours ago when she came in with her parents and ignored me (all three of them ignored me), except when she said, "Oh, Lauren, just so you know I am moving out whenever they find a room for me." I said okay.

I honestly do not like living with her at all, so it's no real loss. It is sad though. Ben got shifted around from host family to host family when he was in Spain, and the same thing is basically now happening to me. Figures.

But honestly. She leaves food out for a whole week and wonders why we have ants. She has the nerve to tell me to calm down on a regular basis, as if she fucking knows me. She is good at everything and throws it in my face constantly. She actually took one of my essays from me and proceeded to tell me how essays are supposed to be written. She talks to me when I am on the phone. She treats the room like it is hers, just hers. She kicks my friends out. She has people in the room on schoolnights at midnight without asking. She has the nerve to tell someone right in front of me that it is annoying that I talk on the phone with Austin every night, without ever having brought it up with me before. She talks down to me all the time, she uses my friends--Laura for her sewing machine.

After I blew up and ran away last night, no one called me to see if I was ok. I texted Laura about lunch this morning and she sent me a nice one saying she couldn't because of frisbee. Lauren never contacted me.

I don't know what the hell I am doing here. Maybe I will just study all the time and make good grades and then transfer to Lake Forest. Or just make really good grades and apply to an insane grad school. I guess I will just study all the time.

return, return, to the person that you were