Now I'm trapped inside my conspiracy of happiness.

Well I guess I am more calm now (too calm--I've been reading old blogs instead of working on my Myth paper).

I have a playlist going right now that is mostly composed of Aqualung, The National, some Guster, some John Mayer, and Snow Patrol. It is a cold weather mix but also a "you are mature, now do what you need to do" mix.

Finals make me nervous, and old blogs make me nostalgic.

You can't forget the people from your past, because they really did have a hand in making you into who you are today.

December always makes me very think about Ben, probably because of the UT debate tournament being the first weekend of the month. It was also the month when I begged him to take me back during our sophomore year but he refused. Who knows.

The Rent musical soundtrack has a very wintery feeling to it because I would drive to work at the theater while listening to it every evening. And because I was getting trained in projection this time last year and getting out very late, the cold always caught me with my windows rolled down singing along to Happy New Year or Goodbye Love.

I guess December also reminds me a lot of the movie theater and the people from it. I was looking through facebook pictures the other day and found myself irritated by what I saw.

In the end it's always hard to decide what you should remember and what you really need to let go of.

Anyway, it is time to actually work on my paper.

I wanna hear what you have to say about me,
hear if you're gonna live without me.
I wanna hear what you want--
I remember December.
I wanna hear what you have to say about me,
hear if you're gonna live without me.
I wanna hear what you want--
what the hell do you want?

who will be the one to marry me?

RAR.

No you may NOT hit my arm with a hammer, it actually HURTS. No you may NOT lay with your head on my CHEST. Yes, I AM leaving your room now, because I don't like being alone with you.

NO you are NOT funny, I am just laughing because I am LONELY. Don't FLATTER yourself.

No I do NOT have anything else to say because my days are DULL and spent in FANTASY WORLDS. And no, I'm not wrong. You will be the way you've always been--I've changed and you have NOT.

No your boyfriend may NOT spend the night because he SNORES and it PISSES ME OFF and can you act for one second that I LIVE HERE, TOO? Yes it makes me UNCOMFORTABLE and yes it is UNFAIR and EVERY OTHER DAY IS FAR TOO FUCKING OFTEN

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

...get out.